So last night the AFI released its top ten top ten list (seen here). Categories included (for those unwilling to follow the link) Animation, Fantasy, Science Fiction, Sports, Western, Gangster, Mystery, Romantic Comedies, Courtroom Drama, and Epic. I of course, being opinionated and self righteous, have taken it upon myself to correct the errors in the AFI panels ways, and to introduce a new category sadly left out, Horror. I will not play with order, as I believe to make it to the top ten is enough, and when you get to films of this caliber, it’s impossible to rank them.
First, corrections to the Animation list. What is with all of these being children’s films, and, even worse, all Disney? Anyone remember Bugs Bunny? Come on. Ok, so we need to take out three from their list to put in mine. Say good-bye to Toy Story, Beauty and the Beast, and Bambi. Say hello to Heavy Metal, 1001 Rabbit Tales and the 1969 classic Bambi Meets Godzilla which is available UNCUT here.
Right, on to the next category, Romantic Comedies. Now, I will admit I have not seen all of these films, however, some films are just so good as to trump anything, no matter what, and 1938’s Bringing Up Baby is that kind of film. Therefore, something has to give (and go), and that something is Sleepless in Seattle, a crappy remake starring crappy Tom Hanks. Aside from being involved in Dan Brown’s attempt to make the world stupider, he acted alongside a volleyball that stole the show. Also needing to be removed for similar reasons Moonstruck (Cher and Nick Cage, please) and Annie Hall (sorry, not a fan of Woody Allen either). In their places Four Weddings and a Funeral and Sliding Doors.
Westerns I shall leave alone simply because I haven’t watched enough Westerns to be a fair judge. That said, last year’s The Proposition was excellent, though not a typical Western.
Ok, moving on to something I do know a bit about, Sports Films. Jerry McGuire and National Velvet, Bye Bye. Welcome to the show Mystery, Alaska and Diggstown. As an aside I think Rocky III to be better than the original (and I pity the fool who disagrees).
Mystery – hmmm, just one fault here, and that’s with the AFI failing to include In the Heat of the Night. Feel free to remove your least liked film on the AFI list and put this one in. Go ahead, I said you could.
Fantasy – HERE WE GO. WTF is with this list? Almost all of these are Magic Realism, not true fantasy. The definition given by the AFI is pathetic ” AFI defines “fantasy” as a genre where live-action characters inhabit imagined settings and/or experience situations that transcend the rules of the natural world.” Hell, that’s almost every movie. Besides which, go to the site and read their plot summary of Lord of the Rings. I don’t think they even watched the film. Say goodnight to
1. The Wizard of Oz 1939
3. It’s a Wonderful Life 1946
5. Miracle on 34th Street 1947
6. Field of Dreams 1989
7. Harvey 1950
8. Groundhog Day 1993
10. Big 1988
say hello to (and I count the LOTR trilogy as one and takes its place at number 1); Stardust, Mirrormask, Legend, Willow, The Neverending Story, The Gamers, and finally, Dragonheart.
Alright, now that that’s all fixed, time for Sci-Fi. A little less screwed up here as at least these are all clearly Science Fiction. However, Back to the Future, ET and T2 do not deserve the honour. I’m having difficulty with Alien as well as I believe Aliens to be the superior film, however, we’ll consider them one film and discount the two that followed Aliens. That leaves me with three Sci-Fi films to be replaced. First up, one of the greatest films of the 80s, Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan. The return of a great villain and a great actor in the role. Kirk and company are excellent, and damned if I’m not still impressed with the brain bugs.
Next up, The Matrix, still as impressive now as when it came out in 1999.
Moving on to a classic, Planet of the Apes (the real one with Charleton Heston). Now, I said I needed three, but thinking about it, I found four, so goodbye Invasion of the Body Snatchers, and hello The Man from Earth which for those of you yet to see it, is brilliant. There you have it, a sci-fi movie with no special effects on a top ten list. I’ve done the impossible (and so have those involved in this amazing film).
Gangster Films. Just one I want to add here. First, my favourite film of all time, A Bronx Tale – fantastic sound track, excellent acting, beautiful cinematography, and a good script. To add this, Little Caesar must go (Scarface SoaN was much better anyway).
As for the Courtroom Drama, again, few quibbles. If pressed I might add The Fountainhead though strictly speaking only a few minutes are set in the courtroom. The Man Who Sued God might also get a nod, though it’s more comedy than drama. Lastly, A Time to Kill has a lot going for it, including the one of only two Sandra Bullock performances I can stand (the other being in Demolition Man)
Alright, last category to fix, EPICS. Three must go, Saving Private Ryan (simply because as war films go, The Big Red One is better), Schindler’s List (Because I don’t believe it fits the AFI’s own criteria) and Titanic (because I just F&^ing hate it). In comes Braveheart, The Last Samurai, and Rob Roy.
Now, finally to the Horror list that should have been in the AFI, though I suppose they aren’t horror fans. Here goes, in no particular order;
The Shining,
The Omen,
The Wicker Man,
The Exorcist,
In the Mouth of Madness,
Event Horizon,
The Thing,
28 Days Later,
Night of the Living Dead (groundbreaking in both zombies and racially with a Black lead), and lastly, and I’m going to get flak for this, but the ending is amazing and gave me hope that Hollywood had a pair,
The Mist
So there you have it. I’m smarter than you, I’m Gilbert Smyth-Biteme
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